Dylan is three months old. He is healthy as a horse, chubby, happy, hungry. Cameron and I take pride in the fact that we feel like we become better parents every day. It is so challenging working part time, trying to be the best mommy I can, not forgetting I’m also a wife and friend, and every once in awhile, doing something for myself. But life has never been more fulfilling.
Night one in the NICU March 16, 2011
Once Dylan was born and the NICU team had a chance to do some suctioning and check him out in the delivery room, they offered for Cameron to carry him upstairs. I still had to get my stiches, and deliver the placenta. Plus, I was pretty out of it, exhausted from labor and pushing, and had finally gotten some pain meds pushed through my IV. The nurse had held him up to me so I could see him, and kiss his sweet little swollen face. My arms were to shaky to hold or touch him, and then both he and Cameron were gone. I still wasn’t too worried, and frankly was still fairly focused on my own body. I was very relieved to have labor finished, and remember just wanting to be left alone. But the placenta took nearly twenty minutes to separate, and the Dr. had to also get things stiched up. Once that was all done I called my mom, had some food, and rested. I was aware Cameron was gone a long time, but wasn’t aware enough to be upset. He finally came back to the delivery room a few hours later empty handed, and told me the baby wouldn’t be coming back to our room. I was certainly dissapointed, but not yet too upset. Things that first night are pretty fuzzy, even for Cameron. I had an absolutely amazing nurse that night Vicki, who took amazing care of me. Cameron was truly exhausted and was sleeping on the day bed in the room. Vicki brought me snacks, and got me hooked on pudding and graham crackers, taught me how to use all the personal items for the stiches, helped me in and out of my bed so I could use the bathroom, and helped me remember my advil, and got me something alittle stronger to help with that first night. I set my alarm and every 2-3 hours pumped for ten minutes to try to get my milk started. When I got the tinyest bit of colostrum, we suctioned it out of the pump with a tiny oral syringe, and someone took it up to the NICU for Dylan.
Around maybe 8 pm or so Cameron wheeled me up to the NICU so I could finally take a good look at our son. I couldn’t really stand, and he was in this tall large bed that had a heating lamp overhead. At first I wasn’t even sure I could touch him, but nurse Valery assured me gentle pressure from an open hand was fine. Cameron stayed really strong, and had already been by his side for hours, so he was already used to seeing baby attached to monitors, and in this weird space. Nurse Valery was by Dylan’s side, tenderly caring for him, adjusting his tubes, and watching his monitors. She offered for me to hold him, and that brought me to tears because I didn’t expect that I would get to. She placed him in my arms as I sat in a recliner next to his bed, and we had to watch all the tubes and wires coming off of him. I didn’t get to hold him for more than about 30 seconds and his monitors started going off, and he vomited up some of the amniotic fluid that he had swallowed. The nurse deemed me “baptized” and had to take him back. It was a bit too much stimulation for him to be held just yet. Cameron and I stayed another ten or fifteen minutes just watching him, and he wheeled me back for some much needed rest. I woke Cameron back up around 3 or 4 AM and asked him to wheel me back. I just got to look and touch gently this time, but I felt very compelled to be back in the same space as my baby boy. I was starting to feel the gravity of the situation, and the gravity of being a new mommy. I continued to pump every 2-3 hours throughout the night and next morning.
At seven AM we were back in his room in the NICU, and my OB met us there and decided I would stay another nigth to recover myself. Moving around was painful and exhausting, I still didn’t have very much energy, and even a few steps made my legs shaky. There was absolutely no talk of Dylan coming home, and I think that was good because it meant I didn’t get my hopes up. Just like in labor, when all I could focus on was getting through each contraction, we focused on getting through each moment of our new ordeal. Dylan was safe, being cared for by an amazing team of doctors and nurses, and I still had to get some strength back. In the meantime Cameron and I had our room and beds to rest and try to relax in. We spent a few hours in our room, then a few hours with Dylan, going back and forth as often as I could. I remember being wheeled past other baby’s rooms, and seeing their doors decorated with their name, and themes like cars or trains for the boys and flowers for the girls. I remember thinking that meant those babies had been there a long time, and weren’t going home any time soon. So in a way, Dylan’s plain door with no mention of who was inside gave me hope.
Labor and Life March 14, 2011
My SD Photography blog will officially morph into my labor of love blog for the next few weeks. My son is almost two weeks old, and I have so much to share. Facebook simply doesn’t allow enough characters! I am still photographing when I can, but pretty much the only subject is my very sweet baby Dylan. I have been trying to take a few every day, so that when I look back at this time in a few months, I don’t have any regrets. But it is really really hard. I’m tired, he’s tired, when I’m not breastfeeding, pumping, eating or sleeping, I honestly don’t feel like being crafty and artistic. But with Cameron’s reminders that I’ll be really upset later if I don’t, I pull myself off the couch and make it happen. Next step is editing, and then I’ll get to those sinister birth announcements. THEN I’ll get some up here. In the meantime, I’d like to start March 1 at about 3:30 AM.
My alarm goes off because we are scheduled to be at Evergreen at five for my induction. My first contraction happens simultaneously with my alarm, and by the time we are at the hospital they are four minutes apart, and when I’m checked, I’m six cm dilated. Next thing I know labor is well upon us, and the nurse offers the tub which I jump at the chance. I labor in the tub for a few hours, and Cameron is by my side talking me through each and every contractions. I have to say I don’t think I would have made it through a single one without him there.
Cameron’s mom and Ellie arrive about this time, and it certainly took all three to get me through the next few hours. In my head I thought, “if I can just make it to transition without pain meds, I can make it the whole way.” Labor was getting more intense, with only about a minute to rest inbetween contractions. I asked the nurse if this was transistion, and when she said yes, I just knew I could do it.
When it came time to push, I certainly felt like my only job in the whole world was to make it through each contraction, one at a time. I couldn’t think about anything else. Without the guidance of our nurse, and the support of my team, I would have crumbled. We changed positions a few times before pushing to turn baby’s head, and then it was on. Apparently I pushed for over two hours, to me it kind of seemed like an eternity, and kind of like a single minute. It is amazing what our bodies can do. Cam had my left leg and Ellie had the right, and very quickly they were carrying my entire weight. I had no strength to hold up my legs, so they did it for me. They watched as baby’s head descended, and would tell me what a great job I was doing. My eyes were closed for most of this time as the outside world didn’t even exist for me. When I would open my eyes for a second, I’d notice the doctor wasn’t there, so I knew in the back of my head I wasn’t quite there yet. When the Dr. finally did arrive, it was go time. When she broke my water, she saw that it was dark, meaning the baby had a bowel movement into the water. Not good. She informed me a Neo-Natal team would be present for the birth incase there were any complications. I certainly couldn’t have imagined the gravity of the situation.
Many many pushes, lots of coaching, and a Dr.’s hard work resulted in Dylan O’Neill Hopkins’ birth at around 2 pm. Dad didn’t get a chance to cut the cord as the Dr. quickly handed the baby over to the NICU team. I was too weak to hold him, but the nurse brought him over so I could see his face and kiss him a few times. Next thing I knew the NICU team said they had to take him to the “nursery” and that Cameron could carry him over and stay with him, so he did. I still had to deliver the placenta, get stitched up, get a few “cocktails” on board via my IV, etc. Turns out there really isn’t a “nursery” at Evergreen, they just were trying to keep us calm.
Our story of the NICU coming next…
Due Date February 25, 2011
Well, today is my baby boy’s due date. All this time, I did not imagine that we would get all the way to today with no baby. I should have known though. Most first babies are late, I know the stats. And yet, I truly thought he would be in my arms by now. I am getting more anxious as the days go on. And more uncomfortable. It is hard to sit in one position for long, really hard to get comfortable at all, hard to sleep, getting up 3-5 times a night to go to the bathroom. The last few nights I’ve even been hungry in teh middle of the night but the threat of heartburn keeps me away from the kitchen. Our bags have been packed and next to the door for two weeks, the car seat in the car, ready to go. Now we just need our little man to make his appearance. Wish us luck!
Baby Cassidy turns six months January 19, 2011
Check out this cutie pie! Sweet as ever, and smiling constantly… that is Cassidy. I may be uber pregnant, but I still managed to get some great shots of baby Cassidy, and a few with mom and dad too. Her eyes are so precious and bright, and that smile is to die for. Ellie and Dan your pics are ready, and I’ll deliver ASAP. In the meantime, enjoy the preview:
The Business of Being Born January 13, 2011
Glee was a re-run again, which led me to turning to Netflix for my Tuesday night entertainment. This time, I picked the documentary “The Business of Being Born.” I had heard of this documentary, but was told to just wait until after I’ve had the baby, since I already have my birth plan laid out, and I’ve already gone through most of my pre-natal care with an OB, at a hospital.
You know, this one is tricky, and every woman has her own opinion on home births vs. hospital births, OB care vs. midwifes. For many, it is a very touchy subject too, and it seems it can fall into the category of politics and religion: a topic you don’t want to get too far into with certain people.
I found the documentary (produced by Ricki Lake by the way) to be very interesting and very informative. I don’t think anyone can deny the fact that a hospital is in fact a business, and what runs businesses… money. A woman having her baby in a matter of 7 hours with doctor’s intervention vs. a “natural” birth lasting 24 hours clearly gets that room turned quicker, gets another paying patient in shorter time. I’m not saying doctors are bad, or that they aren’t doing what is best for the baby. I’m just saying, businesses are run by money and profit. It is just something to think about is all.
I’m glad I’ll be giving birth in a hospital. But, I do plan on minimal intervention, and taking charge of my care. I won’t disregard the nurse or doctor’s advice, but I will for the most part take it as just an option, not something I have to do. I want to remain mobile for my labor, and I don’t plan ( I strongly use the word plan here ) on having an epidural for this reason. But, I also know things can go against my fancy little plan in a heart beat, and I don’t want to be too dissapointed if my plans have to change. I want a healthy baby, and a safe delivery.
I’d love to hear other mom’s feelings on home vs. hospital deliveries. I know you’ve got opinions, let’s hear them!
Food Inc. January 6, 2011
I finally got around to watching the documentary food inc. tonight. I’d been planning on it for months and months, and every time I came across it, I somehow didn’t feel in the mood. I am admittedly very sensitive, and frankly I thought I didn’t need one more reason to become a vegetarian. I do enjoy meat after all. A lot. Especially bacon, and the occasional filet. But, I also enjoy a lot less meat in general these days. I got most of the way through the book Skinny Bitch, before I decided the authors were incredibly annoying, unrealistic, and way too focused on the art of being skinny. But I did get just far enough to be really put off by artificial sweetener, and the inhumane growing practices of modern-day animal farming. Then I saw the Oprah where clips of Food Inc. was shown. And finally tonight, I watched the whole thing.
Needless to say, it was just as enlightening, educational, disturbing, and surprising as I thought it might be. I find myself very upset at the way large corporations get away with murder, literally in the case of people who die from salmonella poisoning. How ironic, to get sick from spinach right? So you avoid meat, and still get sick from gross animal raising practices, and fecal matter in the water that irrigated the spinach crops. Disgusting! Is anyone held responsible? Not really. Did you know the FDA can’t legally even shut down a plant with repeated salmonella offenses? You know why, because many of the government regulators who are supposed to protect our most basic need of having healthy, safe food, made millions working for the very corporations who they are supposed to now regulate. Are you kidding me?? I mean, what are the rest of us supposed to do anyway? How do we keep ourselves, and our families safe? Who can we trust, if we can’t trust the food we buy to be safe?
Well, for one, we can hop on the organic food train. I’m already a ticket holder, even if I don’t buy exclusively. We can shop farmer’s markets…. so here in Washington that means we can do that for about 6-8 weeks out of the year. We can stop buying fast food (only if you can afford it though- When a head of broccoli costs more than the .99 cent cheeseburger how is a low-income family supposed to choose the vegetable?). We can learn to make big batches of soup from scratch, we can stop buying processed foods, we can buy local ( I just spent 6 bucks on local honey, and five on local jam, and it is totally worth it), we can focus more on actual health, for ourselves and our planet, and less on low-cal/low-carb. I don’t know, with this baby on the way, all I can think about is keeping him safe and healthy. And that might mean that I don’t ever take him to McDonalds. Or give him a coke, or chips or candy. Wow, doesn’t that sound like a fun-filled child hood. I suppose there is a balance, and it will be interesting to see how I figure it all out. If you have any pointers, I’d love to hear them.
Rounding out 2010 December 29, 2010
Where have I been? Well, like many of you…busy. Busy being pregnant, now eight months. Busy working full time, caring for my home and soon to be growing family. Caring for my business, and my friends, and myself when I can. Just got done being busy with Thanksgiving and Christmas, and rounding out my final shoots of 2010.
I just watched Julie and Julia, that adorable chick flick about a woman in New York who decides to make all of Julia Child’s recipes in one year, and blog about it. Through her cooking and blogging, she rediscovers her own passion and success. Through tears of joy and sadness, and through sharing those tears with others, she finds herself. Needless to say, I felt inspired, and decided it was high time I got back to blogging.
For so many of us who juggle all this stuff we call everyday life, every once in a while, we put a ball or two down. We dont’ throw them away, or drop them necessarily. But, we set them aside, where we can watch them from a safe distance. Sometimes it is exercise, sometimes our own hobbies, hopefully not our health or well-being. Sometimes we gently place a ball aside that we know, without our help, will be just fine. Then, when we find a little extra time, or a little extra encouragement, we pick them back up again, and let them back into the air.
2011 will be one of the most challenging, and rewarding years I will face as an adult. My baby boy is due Feb. 25th. My whole life will change with his arrival. My priorities will be forced to shift, my juggling act will become even more challenging. Already, with two baby showers behind me, I am overwhelmed with family and friend’s generosity, kindness, thoughtfulness and love. I feel as though my baby to be has a fan club already, with dozens of people anxiously awaiting his arrival into this world. Every new mother must feel similar emotions of excitement, anxiousness, and love for their unborn child. Even as his space gets tighter, and his kicks a little more painful, even as I sleep less and less, and feel more and more uncomfortable, I can’t help but love, in the purest sense of the word, this child. I can’t help but feel blessed, that my husband and I have the opportunity to have this baby. Sure, there have been difficult moments as we adjust to the idea, and plan for the immediate future (how much time do I take off, how much must we save before he gets here, when do I go back to work, etc.). For all of my prepping, with pregnancy books, setting up the nursery, and this amazing natural instinct, I am fully aware of just how unaware I am. No one can know what it will really be like. So. I am rounding out 2010 with mixed emotions, most of them wonderful, warm and fuzzy, and trying as best I can to stay present, and centered, so that when my baby boy does arrive I can take each step in stride, go with the flow and know that no matter how many balls I am forced to put down, the most important one will soon be in my arms.
Jones Family in Bellevue November 24, 2010
Every year, I do what I can do donate a number of sessions to a few very deserving charities. Anna purchased one of them, and chose a park in Bellevue for her family portraits. They go there often with their kids (you know, the one next to Bell-Square) and the kids love the playground and the ducks. She mentioned her duaghter often takes a lot of time to warm up to strangers, so I suggested we just let them play for a while at the playground. I hung around, smiled when she caught my eye, and in a matter of five minutes she really wasn’t bothered by my presence. Anna wanted some classic shots of the family from behind ( a true favorite of mine) plus some cute individuals of she and her husband with the kids. We had a great shoot, and I look forward to meeting up with them again soon.
Miss Daisy October 14, 2010
A few weekends ago, I headed out to Maple Valley to meet Daisy and her kids Zeb and Chloe. Of course when we get to Lake Wilderness Park, there is a HUGE soccer tournament, and all my favorite spots to shoot are completely overrun with players, watchers, and everything in between. Luckily the park is big, and we found a quiet spot off to the side that worked out really well. Zeb was really cute, and wanted to know all about whether or not I had a dog (yes), what her name is (Kona) what kind of dog she is ( golden, half australian Shepard), etc. etc. Chloe was not nearly as chatty, but equally sweet. The shot of mother and daughter giggling is so beautiful, and despite Zeb being very reserved, we managed to get a few little sly smiles out of him. Daisy, I hope you enjoy this preview, and your Pictage.com album will be available to you in a day or two!
